Francesco Sagredo

About Francesco Sagredo

Francesco Sagredo was a Venetian mathematician, a close friend of Galileo, and a Dailykanban author.

On Tesla’s Famed First Floor

Going down? (Picture courtesy hundalifts.com)

Excerpted from a dead-tree copy of Mired Magazine found in the bathroom at a wine-and-ambien party with Kurt Cobain and Pablo Escobar, down in the deeper levels of the Simulation. All names are fictional.

By Ayla L.N. RanbeBay Area – 7.17.17

While working at Tesla, I always enjoyed talking to people after they finished a factory tour. As much as they raved about the amazing automation, gigantic presses, and hundreds of robots, the reality was they only saw half of the actual manufacturing that was taking place in the building. Unknown to most visitors, the factory’s first floor was home to the most advanced reworking systems in the auto industry. Some of the robots moved so fast that components actually time-warped back to 1970’s-era Fremont quality levels! For realsies!

Though it was obvious why we were building the systems at the heart of our product, such as the battery and motors, many people had difficulty understanding why we manufactured high-voltage cables, displays, fuses, and other smaller systems. What they saw as the embrace of Silicon Valley DIY culture, was Tesla’s innovation of IYI culture.

Why take on the madness of not only starting a new car company but also making it more vertically integrated than any car company since the heyday of the Rouge plant in the late 1920s, when plummeting demand for the Model T, for which Rouge was built, almost bankrupted Ford?

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The Very Model Of…

 

The following is dedicated to Alex Roy and is to be sung to the tune of “Modern Major General”.

I am the very model of a shilling pseudo-journalist,
My judgement compromised by so-called conflicts others say exist,
But don’t you dare call me out, it’ll get my knickers in a twist,
It’s been a lot of work becoming Elon’s fave panegyrist.
As lampreys latch to sharks and models hook up with industrialists,
As palaces attracteth eunuchs, cultists do propagandists;
A Manichean Tesla über-fanboi fundamentalist,
I’ve made myself the Squealer of a narcissistic physicist.

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Fremont, You Have A Problem, And It Starts With An M

Of course, this article was not really posthumously written by a Francesco Sagredo who died near 400 years ago. Feel free to speculate about the real face behind Francesco.

Under Elon Musk’s leadership Tesla’s Model X arrived two years late and subjected the company to six months of self described production hell, only to tie for last place in Consumer Reports’ luxury SUV ratings with a score of 59/100 (Nov 2016). Delays for the falcon winged albatross will allow the Chevy Bolt and second-generation Nissan Leaf to both beat the Model 3 to widespread availability by the end of the year. Tesla’s quality has been poor, the UAW is circling, and Mr. Musk recently tweeted about mixing alcohol and Ambien (zolpidem) — a drug combination not only dangerous in its own right, but that increases the risk of long-term zolpidem addiction. How is this man still Tesla’s CEO? [Continue Reading]